Wonderful Counselor. Prince of Peace

Little by little I am trying to convince myself that this is real. Here I am at 11 weeks and I still feel like this is a dream. It is so weird to be pregnant after infertility. Good and wonderful! Just...weird. Because the pain that I felt from all those years is still with me. I still ache when I think back on my journey and I still hurt for those who are still going through it. I have made the announcement to several friends and my immediate family, but we still haven't made it public knowledge. I feel a little crazy, but I kind of don't want to let the secret out yet. I know that once I see my OB on Friday and get some reassurance I'll feel a little better, but I almost feel like the moment I tell everyone that something bad will happen. I know that is just Satan. It's silly to feel that way. I also think it's these hormones making me a little crazy-minded.

So...I'm inching along, week by week. Happy but still hurting for those with losses and "no's" and those who are still waiting. My mind is still very much here. Still very present with those who are hurting. I'm so thankful to be where I am and yet still praying God would let others be in this place with me. I'm so thankful. So aware that I am not worthy of this gift. So humbled. And I'm praying for others who will one day be in my place. Because I know that God is faithful. He will bring those yes's to those who are waiting! Have hope! Hold on! You are one day closer to God unveiling His plan! It is coming!

And here we are at Christmas and our trees are all beautfiul, and maybe you are hurting and aching for tiny presents to be under your tree. And I think about how that Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" That song makes me sad when I hear it because I think of all the people that are thinking this is NOT the most wonderful time of the year. And I think about what Christmas is really about. It's more than presents and hams and happy memories (those things are good! And we do celebrate with these things but it's not only these things) It's about a God who came to randsom a hurting and suffering people. The Israelites were enslaved for so many years and God sent His Son to set them free from captivity; to set us free from captivity. It may not feel like a very peaceful time of year for you. But there was nothing peaceful about the way Jesus was born really. It was sort of chaotic if you think about it! But that baby cried and the world at that moment was changed. And God became our canopy, refuge, and shelter from a world of chaos and pain. A loving God sent His son to be born a man so that he could rescue us from our suffering. That is what Christmas is about. Oh how I love Him! I LOVE Isaiah 9.

"But there will be no gloom for her who was in anguish.
 He has made glorious the way of the sea, 

the land beyond the Jordan, Galilee of the nations.
The people who walked in darkness
   have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
   on them has light shined.
  You have multiplied the nation;
   you have increased its joy;
they rejoice before you
   as with joy at the harvest,
   as they are glad when they divide the spoil.
For the yoke of his burden,
    and the staff for his shoulder,
   the rod of his oppressor,
   For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
   and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
    there will be no end." 

Have hope. He is faithful. There is no end to His peace.