So Frustrated

Granted, I have never been pregnant, but isn't it a special thing to announce your baby's name to your family and close friends? Isn't it common curtacy to tell your best friends what you are naming your child before putting it on say...pinterest? I get that my friend doesn't want to make a big to-do about announcing her baby's name. But I just feel kind of hurt that she didn't tell me. I know for a fact that she told some of her other close friends.

This is also a bit silly of me to be upset about, but before she got pregnant again she told me that if she had a girl she would name the middle name after me. And now she isn't. Fine. Whatever. But I wish she wouldn't have told me that. She may not even remember saying that to me as we had had a few drinks that night. But still...I know she was at least considering it. I don't give a rip if she doesn't name her baby after me at all. It's the fact that she told me she was going to.

As you can tell I am a little bit upset about it right now. I probably shouldn't be. But it just sucks because things between us had been going so well for the last couple of weeks. We have both had the year from hell and it's been a battle to maintain this friendship when the easy thing to do would be to go our separate ways. But I just feel as though she does not consider me her best friend anymore. She's had this baby's name picked out for over a week and has not told me. It just hurts my feelings. Maybe I just need to toughen up and not let it bother me. I KNOW I have to let it go or else it will eat me alive. I have worked so hard at being happy for her and fighting feelings of bitterness and jelousy and this just doesn't help. I just wonder what her thought process was. Was it
a.) she didn't want to upset me
b.) she didn't even think to tell me
c.) she just doesn't want to tell me because she thinks I won't react in an excited way

Now I don't really know what to do. Do I tell her that I found out? Do I wait for her to tell me and then act surprised? Or do I wait for her to tell me and tell her that I found out online? 

I don't know. What I do know is that my heart hurts.

I find out this weekend if IUI #3 was successful or not. At least I'll be at home again to grieve if it's a no.

sorry for the downer post!